MINDFULNESS SOUNDTRACKS

This is just a cut and copy of a Mindfulness.org.au page for a bit of motivation to try...  cheers, mack.  http://www.mindfulness.org.au/MINDFULNESS%20SOUNDTRACKS.htm

Someone elses addiction

Hey marine mom. I think we are always too close when we are in the middle of someone elses addiction - it just cant be avoided but when you say you cant seem to seperate yourself I think it is his disease you need to seperate from not your son - you can find the disease easily in the crazy looks he has in his eyes, the hateful outbursts, the uncaring way he treats all who love him. That is not your son. Believe me when I say your son is still in there fighting the fight. You will never, ever be able to do all the right things in this (I still make mistakes with the people I work with) - we are emotional beings and this is why, particularly as women, we suffer so much and sometimes make the wrong call. If you make a bad call with your son it WILL NOT mean you become responsible for his using so dont ever take that on - you are doing the very best you
can do with what you have! Sometimes it feels like you're in the middle of a war-zone armed with a spoon!

Just remember to ask yourself each day with each choice "Is this action going to support my son or is it going to support his addiction (using)".
It will become clearer to you the more you do it.
Sending you all strength and love, Mack

Why is detoxing from drug and alcohol so hard?

Just thought this may be helpful for those who are watching someone they love struggle with detox and addiction...

Detoxing is like childbirth - it cant be described and it comes from the very core of you with such a unbelieveable, inevitabile force you would do anything to make it go away even for a moment just to breath one more clear, pain-free breath. It's physical, emotional and spiritual. The difference, of course, is the immediate end result!
Lets have a quick look at what's going on in certain parts of the brain that make this detox process a complex trip for all.

Addiction actually changes how your brain functions - not to get too technical, imaging those days when you are committed to a diet and there is a big piece of chocolate cake in the fridge - how hard is it to not have that piece of chocolate cake. Just a walk to the kitchen, open the fridge and you have the hit you WANT.  But you can normally control this desire if you are reasonably motivated.
Now imagine your brain has been re-programed from WANTING that piece of chocolate cake to now telling you that you NEED it. You NEED this like you need water to live and as the hours move on it becomes a more frantic need - you NEED it to be able to breath... your mezzo limbic brain is sending you messages that you will not survive without this chocolate cake. You cannot deny with logical thinking, the power of this altered WANT which has now become a life destroying NEED. At the same time your smart prefrontal cortex that tells you what really going on is on a major "go slow" so there is no executive thinking telling you what you really should be doing.
You will go to the fridge and eat the cake and tell yourself you will not eat any more tomorrow because tomorrow you will be stronger. Cheers, Aly.

STOP: A Short Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness in recovery resource

If you are living with addictive behavior of any kind this educational and interactive EBook 

will give you the tools you need to increase awareness of triggers, cravings and urges, and effectively help you to lead the life you want to live.  Stefanie  & Elisha Goldstein, PhD's are the absolute gurus of mindfulness in addiction recovery. Have a look at their website.   

     Cheers, Mack.

http://drsgoldstein.com/MindfulnessandAddictionEBook.aspx

Self Help Groups in and around Northern Beaches

For a full list of AA  meetings in and around Northern Beaches go to:
 http://www.aa.org.aufindameeting/index.php

For a full list of NA meetings in and aroung Northern Beaches go to: http://www.naoz.org.au/community/index.php

Smart Recovery meetings are also held on Northern Beaches and North Shore. Please give us a call for further info or support  on 94890250 or visit our website at:
counsellingnorthside.com.au

On Mindfulness

"The tenth place (in the present moment) has six components:

1. What is happening now
2. What we see
3. What we hear
4. What we feel in the body
5. What we smell
6. What we taste

That's about it for the present moment. Anything else moves us into the nine places of past and future.  When you notice yourself out of the present, return your attention to one of the six features of now (what's happening, sight, sound, touch, smell, taste)."

Cheers, Mack

Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/mindfulnessmatters/2011/02/it.html#comments%23ixzz1Dml7BCVQ#ixzz1DspdVzJX


www.northernbeachescounsellingsupport.com.au

Family Roles - which one do you relate to?

Roles In Dysfunctional Families

"We have come to understand that both the passive and the aggressive behavioral defense systems are reactions to the same kinds of childhood trauma, to the same kinds of emotional wounds.  The Family Systems Dynamics research shows that within the family system, children adopt certain roles according to their family dynamics.  Some of these roles are more passive, some are more aggressive, because in the competition for attention and validation within a family system the children must adopt different types of behaviors in order to feel like an individual."   Robert Burney M.A.

The emotional dynamics of dysfunctional families are basic - and like emotional dynamics for all human beings are pretty predictable. The outside details may look quite different due to a variety of factors, but the dynamics of the human emotional process are the same for all human beings everywhere.

The basic roles which I list below apply to  Western cultures generally - but with a few changes in details could be made to fit most any culture.

There are four basic roles that children adopt in order to survive growing up in emotionally dysfunctional family systems.  Some children maintain one role into adulthood while others switch from one role to another as the family dynamic changes (i.e. when the oldest leaves home, etc.)  An only child may play all of the roles at one time or another.
 

                                            Responsible Child - "Family Hero"

This is the child who is "9 going on 40."  This child takes over the parent role at a very young age, becoming very responsible and self-sufficient.  They give the family self-worth because they look good on the outside.  They are the good students, the sports stars, the prom queens.  The parents look to this child to prove that they are good parents and good people.As an adult the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental (although perhaps very subtle about it) - of others and secretly of themselves.  They achieve "success" on the outside and get lots of positive attention but are cut off from their inner emotional life, from their True Self.  They are compulsive and driven as adults because deep inside they feel inadequate and insecure.
The family hero, because of their "success" in conforming to dysfunctional cultural definitions of what constitutes doing life "right", is often the child in the family who as an adult has the hardest time even admitting that there is anything within themselves that needs to be healed.

                                               Acting out child - "Scapegoat"

This is the child that the family feels ashamed of - and the most emotionally honest child in the family.  He/she acts out the tension and anger the family ignores.  This child provides distraction from the real issues in the family.  The scapegoat usually has trouble in school because they get attention the only way they know how - which is negatively.  They often become substance abusers as teenagers.These children are usually the most sensitive and caring which is why they feel such tremendous hurt.  They are romantics who become very cynical and distrustful.  They have a lot of self-hatred and can be very self-destructive.  This often results in this child becoming the first person in the family to get into some kind of recovery.

                                            Placater - "Mascot" - "Caretaker"

This child takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.  They become the families 'social director' and/or clown, diverting the family's attention from the pain and anger.This child becomes an adult who is valued for their kind heart, generosity, and ability to listen to others.  Their whole self-definition is centered on others and they don't know how to get their own needs met.  They become adults who cannot receive love, only give it.  They often have case loads rather than friendships - and get involved in abusive relationships in an attempt to "save" the other person.  They go into the helping professions and become nurses, and social workers, and therapists.  They have very low self-worth and feel a lot of guilt that they work very hard to overcome by being really "nice" (i.e. people pleasing, classically codependent) people.

                                                   Adjuster - "Lost Child"

This child escapes by attempting to be invisible.  They daydream, fantasize, read a lot of books or watch a lot of TV. They deal with reality by withdrawing from it.  They deny that they have any feelings and "don't bother getting upset."These children grow up to be adults who find themselves unable to feel and suffer very low self-esteem.  They are terrified of intimacy and often have relationship phobia.  They are very withdrawn and shy and become socially isolated because that is the only way they know to be safe from being hurt.  A lot of actors and writers are 'lost children' who have found a way to express emotions while hiding behind their characters.

It is important to note that we adapt the roles that are best suited to our personalities.  We are, of course, born with a certain personality.  What happens with the roles we adapt in our family dynamic is that we get a  distorted view of who we are as a result of our personality melding with the roles. This is dysfunctional because it causes us to not be able to see ourselves clearly.  As long as we are still reacting to our past then we cannot get in touch clearly with who we really are. 

The false self that we develop to survive is never totally false - there is always some truth in it.  For example, people who go into the helping professions do truly care and are not doing what they do simply out of Codependence.  Nothing is black and white - everything in life involves various shades of gray.  Recovery is about getting honest with ourselves and finding some balance in our life.   Recovery is about seeing ourselves more clearly and honestly so that we can start being True to who we really are instead of to who our parents wanted us to be.  (Reacting to the other extreme by rebelling against who they wanted us to be is still living life in reaction to our childhoods. It is still giving power over how we live our life to the past instead of seeing clearly so that we can own our choices today.) The clearer we can see our self the easier it becomes to find some balance in our life - to find some happiness, fulfillment, and serenity.

Cheers, Mack

www.northernbeachescounsellingsupport.com.au

Self Help Groups

Self Help - New South Wales

NSW CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
Service Office
10 Shepherd St
Chippendale
Sydney NSW 2008
Tel: 02 8230 3959
Recorded Meetings List: 02 9281 3001
http://www.coda.org (Official website)
http://www.codependentsanonymous.org.au (Info for local members)

Alcoholics Anonymous City Office
17 Adelaide St
Bondi Junction 2022
Tel: (02) 9387 7788
http://www.aa.org.au

Alcoholics Anonymous Croydon
127 Edwin Nth
24 Hour Help-line: (02) 9799 1199
Fax (02) 9716 7547
Email: aacroydon@bigpond.com.au

Alcoholics Anonymous Northside Office
Mona Vale Rd (cnr Rosedale Rd) St Ives 2075
24 Hour Help-line: (02) 9488 9820

AL-Anon
For friends and relatives of Alcoholics.
Al-Anon Family Groups AGSO
GPO Box 1002, Melbourne VIC 3001
Tel: (03) 9620 2166
Fax: (03) 9620 2199
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/australia/information.html
Email: agso@alphalink.com.au

Overeaters Anonymous
33 Lewisham St
Dulwich Hill 2203
Tel: (02) 9518 3004

Sexaholics Anonymous
Tel: (02) 8250 0180
http://saoz.net
Email: australia@sa.org

Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous
29 Hughes St
Potts Point 2011
Tel: (02) 9358 6605

Debtors Anonymous
Elizabeth Bay 2011
Tel: (02) 9358 3536

Gamblers Anonymous
1 West St
Lewisham 2049
Tel: (02) 9564 1574

Nicotine Anonymous
Norton St
Leichhardt 2040
Tel: (02) 9294 6513

Narcotics Anonymous
1st Flr/ 204 King St
Newtown 2042
Tel: (02) 9519 6200

REHAB RE-OPENS

Best of news for the Northern Beaches recovery community with the old Phoenix Unit re-opening for their first group of clients on February 14th, 2011.
Kedesh Referral phone number is 4222 18000 or call us on  9944 0364  for assistance and support.
www.northernbeachescounsellingsupport.com.au

How a good addictions specialist works with a drug and alcohol client by motivating a progression through various stages.  Its not always a quick process but it certainly works.

The stages of change are a great way to understand the process of getting clean - here is a brief rundown on the stages and what they mean. 

§                            Precontemplation  (Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behavior that  

§                                                                                             needs to be changed)

§                            Contemplation       (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready or sure

§                                                                                            of  wanting to make a change)

§                            Preparation/Determination  (Getting ready to change)

§                            Action                     (Changing behavior)

§                            Maintenance         (Maintaining the behavior change) and Relapse (Returning to older 

                                               behaviours and abandoning the new changes)

Stage One: Precontemplation

In the precontemplation stage, people are not thinking seriously about changing and are not interested in any kind of help. People in this stage tend to defend their current using and do not feel it is a problem. They may be defensive in the face of other people's efforts to pressure them to quit.

They do not focus their attention on quitting and tend not to discuss their bad habit with others. This is often called "denial," but I prefer not to use that term. Rather, I like to think that in this stage people just do not yet see themselves as having a problem..

You may be reading this because you or a loved one may be  in the pre-contemplation stage. If this is the case, keep reading for suggestions about how you can progress through the stages of change.

Stage Two: Contemplation

In the contemplation stage people are more aware of the personal consequences of their bad habit and they spend time thinking about their problem. Although they are able to consider the possibility of changing, they tend to be ambivalent about it.

In this stage, people are weighing the pros and cons of quitting or modifying their behavior. Although they think about the negative aspects of their bad habit and the positives associated with giving it up (or reducing), they may doubt that the long-term benefits associated with quitting will outweigh the short-term costs.

It might take as little as a couple weeks or as long as a lifetime to get through the contemplation stage.  People are more open to receiving information about their bad habit, and more likely to actually use educational interventions and reflect on their own feelings and thoughts concerning their use.

Stage Three: Preparation/Determination

In the preparation/determination stage, people have made a commitment to make a change. Their motivation for changing is reflected by statements such as: "I've got to do something about this - this is serious. Something has to change. What can I do?"

This is sort of a research phase: people are now taking small steps toward cessation. They are trying to gather information (sometimes by reading things like this) about what they will need to do to change their behaviour.

Or they will call a lot of clinics, trying to find out what strategies and resources are available to help them in their attempt. Too often, people skip this stageand attempt to move directly from contemplation into action and fall flat on their faces because they haven't adequately researched or accepted what it is going to take to make this major lifestyle change.

Stage Four: Action

This is the stage where people believe they have the ability to change their behaviour and are actively involved in taking steps to change by using a variety of different techniques.

This is the shortest of all the stages. The amount of time people spend in action varies. It generally lasts about 6 months, but it can literally be as short as one hour!  They are making overt efforts to quit or change the behaviour and, without support are at greatest risk for relapse.

Mentally, they review their commitment to themselves and develop plans to deal with both personal and external pressures that may lead to slips. They may use short-term reward strategies to sustain their motivation, and analyze their behaviour change efforts in a way that enhances their self-confidence. People in this stage also tend to be open to receiving help and are also likely to seek support from others (a very important element).

Stage Five: Maintenance

Maintenance involves being able to successfully avoid any temptations to return to using. The goal of the maintenance stage is to maintain the new status quo. People in this stage tend to remind themselves of how much progress they have made.

People in maintenance constantly reformulate the rules of their lives and are acquiring new skills to deal with life and avoid relapse. They are able to anticipate the situations in which a relapse could occur and prepare coping strategies in advance.

They remain aware that what they are striving for is personally worthwhile and meaningful. They are patient with themselves and recognize that it often takes a while to let go of old behaviour patterns and practice new ones until they are second nature to them

I cannot stress enough how important it is to have both user and their partners/affected family to participate in this journey.  Although you must do your own work and your own journey it is so important that everyone heals and changes – old behaviours and ways of communicating within the family system can keep both the user and those closest, sick.

As you progress through your own stages of change, it can be helpful to re-evaluate your progress in moving up and down through these stages.

(Even in the course of one day, you may go through several different stages of change).

And remember: it is normal and natural to regress, to attain one stage only to fall back to a previous stage. This is just a normal part of making changes in your behaviour.

Relapse

Along the way to permanent cessation or stable reduction of a bad habit, most people experience relapse. In fact, it is much more common to relapse than not. Relapse is often accompanied by feelings of discouragement and seeing oneself as a failure but is actually a great time to learn.

While relapse can be discouraging, the majority of people who successfully quit do not follow a straight path to a life time free of self-destructive using. Rather, they cycle through the five stages several times before achieving a stable life style change. Consequently, the Stages of Change Model identifies relapse as normal.

There is a real risk that people who relapse will experience an immediate sense of failure that can seriously undermine their self-confidence. The important thing is that if they do  slip they should analyze how it happened and use it as an opportunity to learn how to cope differently. In fact, relapses can be important opportunities for learning and becoming stronger.

If you do relapse, it is important that you do not fall back to the precontemplation or contemplation stages. Rather, restart the process again at preparation, action or even the maintenance stages.

People who have relapsed may need to learn to anticipate high-risk situations (such as being with their family) more effectively, control environmental cues that tempt them to engage in their bad habits and learn how to handle unexpected episodes of stress without returning to using. This a stronger sense of self control and the ability to get back on track

Cheers, Mack

www.northernbeachescounsellingsupport.com.au.

Manlys Pheonix rehab Unit re-opening soon - 2011

  
Xmas 2009 was a hard day for us to see our beloved Pheonix Unit closed with no ideas on what the future held - (strangely, we are a touch distrustful of our State Governments promises when it comes to health services on the northern beaches! ) Mark Buckingham from Kedesh Rehabilitation Services has assured us however,  that since their successful tender none of the units services would be reduced and that, in fact, “We will also be able to offer a slightly more intensive, longer-term program, of up to nine weeks. 
 Our wonderful Pheonix Unit has been the catalyst for so many local lives saved and its closure over a year ago was a devastating blow to the northern beaches drug and alcohol recovery community so this is great news to us all!  We are still unsure as to the exact date the unit will re-open but will post the info as soon as we hear it along with as many details as we can source.


Congrats to Kedesh and we look forward to supporting the new unit as we did the old Pheonix.  Mack

MDECC Resource

Check out reset.org.au

Good Kids Take Drugs!

As parents its very easy to see what we want to see and miss important information about whats going on with our kids.  The classic line of parents in denial is the old "they're good kids - theres no way they'd even try drugs" or "they've never done it before - it was just her friends pushed her into it / put something in her drink." In a lot of cases its true and loads of kids don't ever try drugs, peer pressure does lead to a first one-off experimental night and people do indeed get their drinks spiked but its also true that really great kids are out there using drugs and alcohol recreationally and mostly they'll be OK and sometimes they won't  but they need guidance and support not avoidance of the possibilities.
Talk to your kids.  Be watchful but not paranoid - trust your kids but be aware that there is a lot happening out there that you probably didn't have to deal with in your day so get yourself educated!  If you need some info sites just send us an email and we will point you to the right places.
  northernbeachescounselling@gmail.com
 northernbeachescounsellingsupport.com.au
 fds.org.au

Support and Talk

This blog is about drugs and alcohol and the issues that they bring along when we like them just too much.  It is not a formal, educating blog but somewhere that we can write our professional thoughts in a more relaxed environment and hopefully give you all some comfort or ideas to help.

If I were to write a journal article about how taking drugs are fun I probably wouldn't even get published but the fact is that using drugs and alcohol is fun and thats why some of us get into trouble.  It is, to me, one of the most important things to remember when you are dealing with someone with a drug or alcohol problem because if you don't get this then you just don't have the amunition you need...  The only reason someone even thinks of giving up their using is if it stops making them feel good and the consequences out-weigh the fun!!  Don't take away the consequences and don't relieve the pressure even when you want to make them feel better so, so much - DON'T.  These consequences are the motivators for change.  You can help by supporting them and not their choices to use - that means don't give them money to pay off their mobile phone bill (they'll just get really happy, go and score and swear to themselves that they'll quit tomorrow).
 More next time.   Cheers, Mack